A great deal of attention has been paid to the subject of bullies in recent years. Most recently, the spotlight has been on children who have committed suicide rather than face their bullies again. In our lifetimes, most, if not all of us, have been bullied. And, let’s face it, most of us have played the bully, whether we have realized it or not.

Bullying can come in many different forms and many different degrees. I define bullying as any repeated behavior that is intended to exploit others in an attempt to manipulate and undermine another’s sense of self, safety, and/or security. Bullying can come in the form of direct threats to harm or manipulate someone and can even occur when someone uses threats to harm themselves if someone does not give them what they want. The intent of this is to evoke a sense of guilt and fear.

Because of the seriousness of bullying and the extremity of the behavior of those who have been bullied, there has been a push in the U.S. to say, “No more.” The result of this have been movements to create legal consequences for those who engage in bullying behavior.

One of the biggest challenges as a societal issue is defining bullying in legal terms. At this point in time, 33 states have taken it upon themselves to develop anti-bullying legislation. While some state legislatures have attempted to legally define bullying, other laws are placing the definition of bullying on the schools and local jurisdictions. This still leaves a great deal of room for interpretation and confusion, as well as subjectivity.

Smoke and Mirrors
It is likely that many of these laws will be challenged by an adept legal team, and any “good bully” is just as good at playing the victim or a misunderstood rescuer when they are challenged by someone with more status, like a teacher or the police. Furthermore, what happens with the bullying law when someone who is supposed to be in a care-taking role is doing the bullying, such as a teacher, bus driver, or parent? Ask many abused spouses or children and they can share their emotions about this. In these situations, the laws need to be in place, but most bullies may see these accusations as opportunities to manipulate their way around the law and play the games to be viewed compassionately by others.

Will laws and legislation stop bullying? No. Will it curb it a bit? Possibly. Most laws that are developed are put in place to prompt people to react out of the fear of breaking those laws and thus facing the consequences. In part, laws are created as deterrents. This may work in some situations, but what does a bully have issues with but authority? The laws represent the authority “figures” that a bully wants to subvert and undermine.

The concern is whether this allows our legal system to be more wrapped up in dealing with these issues, and — if so — will children, families, adults, and school systems get lost in the mix? I think so, specifically because many of these situations become legal nightmares. Those who were bullied may feel re-traumatized by the legal wrangling, let alone experiencing threats and other abuse after making accusations.

The answer? We can’t afford to not have laws against bullying, yet we can barely afford to have them. What we really need to address is not what to do about bullies, but the problems that result in this type of behavior Stay tuned for Part 2 of “Bully, Bully.”

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

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