Welcome back! In my last blog entry, I took a short departure from the series to discuss bullying in girls, a very unfortunate side effect of changes in our culture. In my previous series blog, I had discussed the roles that people play in our culture: The Victim, Persecutor (or Bully), Rescuer, and Instigator. I also discussed why certain people may be attracted to these roles.

In the time that I wrote the last entry, Michael Jackson met with his tragic demise, and I had been interviewed for an article that was published online regarding the challenges in his life. This brief article, on LASplash.com, involved much of this discussion on these roles in regard to Michael Jackson and his life.

What commonly happens in our culture is that people will pick a role (Victim, Persecutor, or Rescuer) that they will play almost habitually. This is what I call a “chronic” role. In other words, there are Chronic Victims, Chronic Persecutors (bullies), and Chronic Rescuers. As these individuals play their roles chronically, they often instigate the conflicts so that they can play their role.

The Instigator is a role that is not often discussed, but it is the Instigator who starts the conflict. Victims, Persecutors, and Rescuers each instigate for different reasons. Victims instigate because they want to see who loves them. Persecutors instigate because they want to know who fears them. And Rescuers instigate because they want to know who worships them. These reasons comprise “The Games” commonly played by each role.

If It Looks Like a Duck…

So why is it so important to understand this? Because sometimes the “Bully” is not always the bully. Just as there are skillful Bullies, there are times when a skillful Victim will play his role to see who will rescue him, and the individual labeled as the Bully ends up being victimized by the Victim and their overzealous Rescuers. This happens a lot on the school yard and often in our legal system.

Most Chronic Rescuers play their role to escape their own internal feelings and perceptions of victimization. If one looks at the history of many people who chronically gravitate toward rescuing roles, they will find that these individuals often felt victimized or bullied as children. They often become rescuers because they do not want to feel or look weak, and are often seeking to unconsciously rescue themselves from their own past through taking care of others. In regard to recent events, Michael Jackson was no exception.

Where’s the Beef?

So where does each role get its power, and why is this important? Victims gets their powers from Rescuers. Persecutors get their powers from Victims, and Rescuers get their powers from rescuing the Victim and vanquishing the persecutor. The reason this is important is the fact that every person gets their power from each other, which results in an interdependence that is difficult to break.

While we all may have a hard time acknowledging that we play these roles, it does happen, and we often swap between them. Who has the power to change this? We all do -– when we keep our eyes open to our own behavior and take responsibility for our actions and our personal growth. These roles are truly addictive, and if we don’t learn how and when we play these roles, we are doomed to repeat history.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

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The Art of Empowered Parenting: The Manual You Wish Your Kids Came With

The Art of Managing Everyday Conflict: Understanding Emotions and Power Struggles

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