And we’re back… This series could probably be a book. We have covered a lot of territory to this point, the most recent issue being how families contribute to bullying. In this post, we will discuss society’s role in bullying.

Many people feel that bullying is on the rise because kids are getting away with too much these days, and many “conservatives” feel that there should be a return to more controlling, hierarchical forms of consequences. As you can see in previous posts, it is this fear-based controlling behavior that feeds bullying.

In some ways, kids are getting away with more; however, from my discussion in Stop the Presses, about bullying with girls, you may realize now that the issue is that our society is changing, in part, and we are having a hard time adjusting. In any process of change, there are going to be challenges during transitions, as some embrace the ways of old and some embrace the new.

We are also teaching our kids to fear some things and not fear other things. We are often not teaching proactive problem solving, we are teaching people to be reactive. Some parents parent by not parenting at all, as we have indicated. They feel that allowing their children to openly explore life without guidance and support is encouraging independence and empowerment. It does not. It creates more problems. Kids need guidance and direction, not control or permissiveness. In regards to bullying, parents and the rest of society need to communicate at the earliest signs of a budding bully, not ignore or blame each other.

We want to observe the rights of others, but often only when it does not affect us. And we especially want to make sure that we get our fair share. In other words, we feel okay with our kids and neighbors feeling empowered and having more freedom, as long as it doesn’t affect our power, and if we happen to step on others’ feet, no harm, no foul. We teach our kids to respect us, but do we respect them? What are we modeling? As a parent, teacher, politician, we all have opinions about what to do, but do we follow our own guidance?

It is the “Do as I say” approach to the world that has increased our mistrust in society, as well as fed the bullying issue. We can legislate all that we want to, but if we don’t do something about it, collectively and supportively, things will not change. Passing laws about bullies only puts the problem in the legal system and courts. It deters out of fear, and yes, bullies respond to fear, because that is what they use to manipulate their “victims,” but remember that victims who are good at playing their game learn to use the legal system to enable them. This is also where the media does not help the issue, because the media is often looking for the victim and they don’t seem to care who takes the fall if it makes a good story. If we all live in fear of calling it like we see it, we are not victims, we are partially responsible.

Personal responsibility is a theme that runs through my blogs, and it is well and good to write about it and read about it, but what happens if that is all that we do?

Stay tuned for solutions in my next post.

Respectfully,

Dr. E…

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